It’s Friday night after a full work week. I didn’t want to come home. Friday night use to be special at our house. Kind of a mini-celebration and time to ‘kick back’; now, its just coming home to an empty house. You are supposed to have fun on the weekend, be with family, kick back, and relax.
Last Friday night I came home right after work and was a busy beaver around the house because I had a full schedule for Saturday and Sunday. This weekend I don’t know what’s happening. Sometime tomorrow we are going to bury Jackie’s ashes at the Red Oak Cemetery. I am looking forward to that event! Not! That’s all I have planned for now except for some more tasks around the house. So tonight I just drove around, ate out, drove around some more and finally made my way home. Not a very good coping strategy, I know.
You can tell I am feeling down and a little sarcastic this evening - maybe even angry with God. I definitely feel alone. Even though I am blessed that there are so many people looking after me, calling me, checking on me. I still have to come face to face with the fact that I live alone now.
I’ve got to make advance plans. I need to anticipate the weekends better.
About Me
- Fred Miska
- TX, United States
- I am 64 years old. My wife and I were former missionaries with Wycliffe Bible Translators for 25 years serving in various field and administrative roles. I am now serving with June Hunt and staff in the Hope for the Heart ministry in Dallas, TX. My beloved wife of 17 years, Jackie, died of a brain tumor on August 23, 2007. In this blog I share my personal journey through the grief and recovery process. I am also adding my step son-in-law, Tim Eimer as a guest author. He is going through his own battle with cancer, is a gifted writer. The titles are mine but the gift, the struggle, the words are the Lord's as He is speaking to us through Tim.
March 1990
I proposed to Jackie after water aerobics class