Bridging the separation gap

I think about being with the Lord and with Jackie everyday. I feel like I shouldn’t be here but for some reason I am. The separation is so acute it is painful. However, I have always struggled with a sense of pain of separation from the Lord. I could never walk with the Lord as consistently as I wanted to. I would wander in and out of His presence. Separation is the state of being I live in. That feeling is only enhanced now that Jackie is gone.

I really don’t want to be here. I want to be with the Lord and with Jackie. Yet, somehow, in the midst of these feelings I have a new respect, a new sense of importance for this life. Maybe its because I am here and They are not. I am carrying on for Them. This weekend I had the strongest sensation that The Lord and Jackie were on board my vehicle with me; that they were coming along for the ride and for the visit. I told Brandon that.

Now you may think I have completely flipped out but hear me out, first. Why would they come on board with me? I believe because They needed me to fulfill a mission of love. As I meditated on that reason, it made being alive here on earth suddenly more precious. And as I drove I began to cry and worship the Lord. You see, we, you and I, only have this short period of time to be Christ’s body. The saints who have gone before are cheering us on. They are all interceding for us. They want to see God’s work accomplished through us, see His righteousness and love shared. I want to be with Jesus and with Jackie but I am here to fulfill the work of Christ still needing to be done and this is the only time I can do it. While I am alive, in the flesh, on the earth.

Furthermore, when I do Christ’s work in the way He directs me I am not as acutely aware of the separation I normally feel from the Lord or from Jackie. I don’t want to waste anymore time. Its painful enough being here, being separated, to also just “kill time” indulging the flesh is stupid. It only makes the feelings of separation worse.

The only way to bridge the separation gap is to make the time I have here count. This life soon enough passes away and only what I do for Christ will last. But now I have a problem: I don’t know how to bridge the separation gap on a consistent basis. I can talk a good game; I know lots of Scriptures but in actual practice too much of my life has been about me and my fleshly appetites. What a waste of time.

Lord help me to walk so close to you on a consistent basis that I am not aware of any separation. Please come on board with me often as I do your work and as I love your people, as I show your love to my family, friends and those that are lost.