remaining single

Some people feel a need to remarry and others do not. Not everyone who has lost a spouse wants to remarry or should remarry.

God knows what is best for my future and will direct. So far, though I am free to remarry, I believe He is directing me to remain single. Don't get me wrong, I loved being married and I adored Jackie. But I think one of the reasons I feel He is directing me to remain single is simply because I am an older man now. By God's grace, I can finish my earthly life without a wife perhaps more easily than a younger man. The principle Paul seems to articulate is that younger widows or widows who cannot control their passions should go ahead and remarry. Perhaps another reason why I have peace about not remarrying is that though I am lonely at times, I am also finding that there are areas where I need to grow that were somewhat masked while I was in a marriage relationship.

I have a work to do before I go to the Lord and have more growing to do. Grief, loneliness and singleness seem to be factors that God is using right now to stimulate, even agitate me toward growth and further the maturing process in my life.

I am however keenly aware that we thrive when we have healthy relationships at work, at home, at church, wherever we are. Studies show that people even live longer if they have healthy relationships. While I don't plan to remarry, I will need to always guard against isolationism and always seek out male and female friendships, and especially among God's people.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. I Cor. 7:39

So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. I Tim. 5:14

But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better. I Cor. 7:37, 38

His strength and my weakness

Strengthened by the Lord, having a hope and a future, beginning to see some clarity in terms of the future, including ministry opportunities AND at the same time, completely undone, devastated and alone. How can these things co-exist? I am not sure, but I certainly am experiencing these extremes all at the same time (or at least within days or hours of one another!) Maybe that is what brokenness is. Maybe that’s how some of the prophets lived. Powerful and Weak. A Blessing to Others and yet SO Needy.

I know that in my mortal way of thinking I expect to become stronger and stronger, more independent, more self-directed, less dependent on others (and God). But I wonder if that is God’s plan?

His strength is made perfect in my weakness. Christ humbled Himself to become a little lower than the angels, even to being a servant. The prophets, the apostles, martyrs all suffered greatly. Many Christian around the world still do.

Frankly, life is not as much fun as it use to be nor as comfortable. But I do know that I love others more; that I love the Lord and depend on His promises a lot more to carry me through. I seem to have more clarity about what is really important in life. And I am blessed to see the effect I am having on others. When I share spiritual truth it seems to be well received, it rings true, is respected and seems effective. And yet all of this is happening while I am experiencing pain and sorrow mixed with joy in my heart.

The plans I have for you

How are you doing? This question understandably is answered differently as healing takes place and as I do the things that promote healing. In other words, time alone does not heal but I do believe time coupled with “leaning in to my grief” does promote healing. Knowing God’s Word and having a vital relationship with Him bring further healing from pain.

In the beginning, I would answer that I was managing moment by moment, and then it stretched to day by day. Now it seems to be good days and bad and more good days then bad. “Good days”, meaning days when there are no emotional tidal waves that come crashing on the beach of my heart.

Then you begin to see more clearly and are not so focused on survival. You start to move on though never forgetting. You begin to have plans, plans the Lord by His Spirit has put in my heart for outreach, for possessions, for future direction. Maybe in future blog postings I will share some of these 'plans'.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
… “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” But it was to us that God revealed these things by his Spirit. For his Spirit searches out everything and shows us God’s deep
secrets. (I Cor. 2:9,10)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

special moments we shared together

At last week's Heaven Bible Study in my home I was looking for the sugar container to put out with the coffee but I couldn't find it. Then today, as I emptied out my lunch bag there was a bulge in a side pocket. I hadn't looked in to that pocket of the bag for quite some time. As it turned out - not since last summer. In that pocket was the little clear plastic sugar container from my cupboard. Then I remembered. I had taken it to the hospital last summer along with some bacon, a few slices of tomato from our garden, toast and lettuce. I made Jackie a BLT just the way she liked it, right there in the hospital room. She always liked her BLTs with sugar on it.

Then I broke down and wept profusely. I cried for my Jackie and I missed her so much. It's moments like these that overwhelm me without warning at times. Nice memories, special moments we shared together. Never to be had again. At least not until the resurrection. I cannot wait to share special moments with her again in the new heaven and the new earth.

the need for companionship

People who knew Jackie often find it difficult when they first visit my house. They can easily picture her in her house. Now, after 7 months of her not being in the house I find it easier but still have my moments. At first, it was difficult even sitting at the dinning room table alone, or touching something in the kitchen, seeing a book or her clothes or her favorite chair. But she is no longer here.

Sometimes I remember conversations and times when one of us was feeling hurt or vulnerable. And I remember hugging one another and praying for one another at these times. Jackie is in the bosom of the Lord now but she is no longer here to comfort me.

I am slowing getting use to being alone and learning to deal with the loneliness. But I am also learning to experience being at the dinner table dining with Jesus or having Him close by my side. Sometimes, frankly, I just need a hug and want to experience Jesus enfolding me in His arms.

Sometimes I feel God’s presence like that but there are other times when He seems far less present and tangible. I want to develop my relationship with the Lord and experience His companionship more often.

The Biblical prescription is to come before Him, acknowledging Him as Lord and Savior and being up to date with Him having confessed all known sin. Doing so, we have great promises. We know for example that He is always looking for those whose hearts are turned to Him. I find He is very accessible when I follow this prescription.

Lord, please draw near to me as I draw near to you. I need your very tangible presence and companionship in my life right now.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“ Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded." (James 4:8)

"For The Eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him." (2 Chronicles 16:9)

"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. . . . And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." (1 John 4:9, 16)