Tim Eimer: clothe yourselves with your new nature while we await that day

Dear Friends,

I hate hospitals. I’m writing this letter from the Radiation/Oncology department of the University of Pennsylvania hospital. Human frailty is on display here everyday, but I hate it here because when I see these people and consider my illness, I know I am but an exhaled breath on this planet (Psalm 39:5), and God has placed eternity in my heart (Ecclesiastes 3:11). I don’t want to die in this place.

Crouched over my journal and Bible in a crowded waiting room, God leads me away from my familiar Scripture passages into the prophecies of Isaiah. I discover Isaiah 26, a song of praise. In the first verse, God reminds me of the walls of my salvation surrounding me. I remember now; the Lord is my light and my salvation. Why am I afraid? He protects me from danger. (Psalm 27:1) Cancer cannot destroy me. It’s amazing how difficult it is for me to remember these truths.

A nurse hands me a consent form. It contains a very long list of veryBad things that this radiation will or could do to me. I keep reading Isaiah. God will keep me in perfect peace if I trust Him, if I fix my thoughts upon him. (Isaiah 26:3). Be anxious about nothing, my Father tells me. So I empty my concerns and fears into his cupped hands. (Philippians 4:7). I sign the consent form, and it dawns on me, yet again, like it was some great mystery that I’m not afraid to die. I’m afraid to live with the suffering, with the uncertainty, with the hospital as my vacation home. I move on to Isaiah 26, verse 4. I will trust in God because He is the eternal rock. Because He will not be moved throughout my ordeal, neither will I be moved. I trust in God so I will also trust in Christ. And I will not be troubled. (John 14:1) Just as He has done these past three years, God will smooth out the road before me. (Isaiah 26:7) I know I will see His goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Courage is mine in this place of disease and frailty, and I will wait patiently for my God. (Psalm 27:13-14).

OK, Lord. I think I’m centered again. I do love to obey your laws. My true heart’s desire is to glorify your name despite this disease and the doubts and the sweet smiles of my boys who still know nothing of the danger I am in (Isaiah 26: 8). May my every word and action give you glory, Jesus(Colossians 3:17).

The nurses lead me into a CAT scan room and have me lie down. They must mold a mask to use during my treatments. Without warning, they stretch what feels like a wet fish net across my face and clamp it down tight. I can’t open my eyes. I can’t speak. At the moment, I’m just glad I can breathe. I wonder how claustrophics do this, and I try to remember this is medicine and not torture. The nurses tell me not to move before leaving me alone for forty minutes. Darkness, black and without hope, wells up in my spirit, and I forget everything I just read in the waiting room - everything but verse 9. “All night long I search for You; earnestly I seek for God.” I lay still in my forty minute night and pray earnestly. I wait patiently on my God, and He gives me courage. (Psalm 27:14) What am I allowing them to do to me? I search for the Lord in my distress (Isaiah 26:16). I beg the Spirit to seize control of my thoughts and fears. He brings me peace, and I rest (Romans 8:6).

It’s done. Somewhat anticlimactically, a nurse hands me an appointment card. I start my treatments on July 7. Most of our vacation time must be canceled, and I will be sick for the time we will have. For some reason, this discourages me more than anything else.

Then suddenly, God opens up the wound of my greatest sin. It bubbles up out of the mire of my old nature like a rotting carcass. I continue to look to the things of this world (my vacations, my family, my work) for contentment and comfort. I am greedy for the good things of this life, and God condemns my greed as idolatry Colossians 3:6. My sight is not fixed on the last verse of Isaiah 26. I belong to God, but my contentment does not rest squarely on the assurance that one day God will raise my body, and I will sing for joy as His eternal light falls on me like fresh dew (Isaiah 26:19) Paul encourages us to look forward to the day when an archangel shouts, and we will be gathered into the clouds to meet our Lord (1 Thessalonians 4:17) Jesus Himself will clothe us in our resurrected bodies brilliant with beauty and filled to the bursting with power and strength and everlasting life. (2 Corinthians 5: 3-4).

I encourage you, my brothers and sisters, to clothe yourselves with your new nature while we await that day (Colossians 3:10) and dress yourselves each morning with mercy, kindness, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, love and harmonious peace with each other (Colossians 3: 12-15). Our wardrobe for these garments is the words of Christ. Let us wrap our minds and hearts in the Scriptures each day, and Christ's words will dwell in us richly. We will not walk naked and exposed through this life as most do, but we will be dressed in the brilliant, protective robes of peace and hope and wisdom. (Colossians 3:16).

God bless,


Tim