Dear Friends,
Yet another thing I hate is when my hypocrisy is revealed. I write these beautiful letters about anticipating heaven and being fervent in prayer and trusting in God, and then a small thing knocks me off my feet and I grumble, “Why me?”
We were all set to start my treatments today, and we had hoped to sneak a vacation in before school started, but the hospital called Saturday to tell us the radiation treatment has been postponed to an unspecified date. Again plans must change; the possibility of a vacation shrinks, and I may miss the start of school. I moped around all weekend discouraged and disheartened. I wanted to stop writing letters, stop preaching, and stop everything God would call me to do and hole up in my house nursing my self pity. My preaching on Sunday was flat, and I could not delight in the gift of the day God had given me. And why? I may miss my vacation this year.
My family has always relied on our vacations to be refreshed and renewed, but John's warning at the end of his first letter has nagged me all summer, “Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.” (1 John 5:21) “Your vacations cannot replace my rest for you,” my Father whispers gently. (Hebrews 4: 9-10)
My wife reminded me that only He creates a spring of refreshment in the desert wilderness of my life. (Isaiah 43:20) Today, God is insistent and asks, “Look Tim, when will you realize that my grace is sufficient for you?” (2 Corinthians 12:9) When will you let me lead you to My rest in green meadows and beside peaceful streams? (Psalm 23:2) When will you admit that only I can renew your strength?” (Psalm 23:3)
I apologize to all of you for my hypocrisy. I feel like I have deceived you, and I echo Paul’s words in Romans 7:15 (NLT), “I really don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate.” So again, I’m sorry.
Thank God, Jesus Christ is the answer to free me from this life dominated by sin. (Romans 7:24-25) I’m looking forward to the day when the sins (especially my sins) of this world are gone forever. (Revelation 21:4)
Hopefully, we will know the new start date soon.
God bless,
Tim
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1 comment:
Tim,
For some reason, you popped into my mind today. I decided to look you up and became aware of your current struggle.
You may not remember me from college, but I remember you. I will be praying for you and your family, Brother.
Larry Tennant
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