I come home from work at 8 or 9 pm and the house is dark, cold and empty and I immediately feel discouraged even though I knew it would be that way. I really didn’t have any other expectation. I am that much of realist. I am sane. Nevertheless, I sometimes say aloud, “I'm home, honey.” Now, isn’t that sweet?", you say. "He is still greeting his beloved even though she is gone". But it’s not sweet. It’s bitter. It is uttered out of sarcasm. It means, ‘yeah, right, like I really expected her to be here!’ It’s the same cheerless arrival. I never feel like, 'oh, its so good to be home, to my refuge; my place to kick back; my place of love and warmth and where I am really important to someone’.
The sarcasm and then saddness fades away sooner now then it use to and shortly I go about my business in the house. I suppose eventually I will feel more and more like a single that enjoys his “pad”. Right now, the house still feels very empty. The heart of the house - the one that really loved me and loved this house is gone. Jackie loved her home. She filled it with love and music and lights and activities.
She has a new home now and she no doubt loves it. I am truly happy for her.
Maybe its okay that I don’t love my home and that I am not too comfortable here. After all, this address is not my real home. My citizenship is in heaven and I have my real home there. After all, Jesus did say that He was going to prepare a place for me so that where He is, I may be also.
By God’s grace I will become a bit more relaxed in this earthly house until finally the Lord calls me to my real home in my homeland (heaven) and I can say to her (without sarcasm), “I am home, honey”.
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In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. John 14:2
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