Two Steps Forward, One Step Backward...

I warned you there would be blog postings like this!

This weekend, the first one of 2008 has been a mixed bag of emotion for me. I am full of plans and goals for the New Year. I am beginning to see some clarity and direction and some options for my life. Sometimes I feel really good and really at peace. And then, suddenly, like this morning in Sunday School a wave of emotion hit me so hard. I sat there in a wonderful class and I just knew Jackie would really love all of this, the closeness, the fellowship, the plans for the year. Then I put my hand on the seat next to me and she wasn’t there. Of course she wasn't there, nevertheless it hit me hard and I felt so alone in the midst of a warm class of brothers and sisters in the Lord many who have done so much for me. The emotion has carried on this afternoon and I find myself of two minds: Ready to go forward, on the one hand, and, on the other hand, ready for this tragedy to be over. I believe but I can’t believe Jackie is gone.

I have a nice house, wonderful family and friends, some investments for the future, a good job, two cars and yet I feel so impoverished. I have suffered such a terrible loss. The most valuable treasure I had, other than the Lord Himself is gone. Wiped off the face of this earth.

I miss you so much, Jackie. I am crying for me. Though I know you are missing out on some wonderful things in the family, in the church etc… you are really happy there. I just can’t see your happiness. I can’t experience it firsthand.

I've got to get back to studying and meditating on Heaven. That's the only thing that helps make any sense of this or bring any consolation. That's the only thing that helps me move forward.

How do you keep the reality and the hope of heaven alive and real in your walk with the Lord rather than just a doctrinal position?

NOTE: do concordance study on Hope in the N.T.
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Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. Hebrews 11:1,2

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, I Pet. 1:3,4