I cannot find Jackie, but I can find the Lord!

I had a prolonged meltdown last night. Not like the short mini-waves that come and go rather quickly now, every few days or so. But this went on all evening. I don’t know what prompted it. Perhaps, it was the fact that I was working late and alone in my department. I just was overwhelmed with how much I miss my friend; my best friend. I felt so alone in the world despite all the wonderful people that God has given me. Still my best friend was missing. Our wedding bulletin said, This day I will marry my friend. The one I laugh with, live for, dream with, Love. It was that way for Jackie and I.

I prayed, I tried everything to stop crying and stop repeating how much I missed my friend but the tears kept coming and I was a mess. I called my friend and brother, Aaron, in Pennsylvania. I don’t know anyone closer to the Lord than Him. He is only a few years older than me but He has been both a mentor and accountability partner for 20 years. When he prays, when he shares from the Word I am touched and changed.

Aaron read to me from Psalm 27 which speaks of seeking the Lord’s face. Then in prayer he said, “Lord, Fred can’t find Jackie”. That’s when I realized I can’t find her, she is missing. I know where she is and I will go to her someday but she will not return to me (see II Samuel 12:23). But I can seek the Lord. In fact, He invites me to do so and promises to be found.(see Jeremiah 29: 13,14).

There are many people, things, perhaps even health and opportunities we have lost that may not return to us and we cannot find. But our great and awesome God has promised to make Himself accessible through Jesus. Not just once at our salvation but if we will seek His face, His presence. When I find the Lord, I find what my soul and spirit needs. And, actually I am closer to Jackie when I am closer to the Lord (because like me, she is 'in the Lord')!
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He said, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, 'Who knows, the LORD may be gracious to me, that the child may live.' "But now he has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me." (II Samuel 12:22,23).

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. 'I will be found by you,' declares the LORD, 'and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,' declares the LORD, 'and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.' (Jeremiah 29:13,14)

One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD And to meditate in His temple. For in the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle; In the secret place of His tent He will hide me; He will lift me up on a rock.
And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies around me, And I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.
Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice, And be gracious to me and answer me.
When You said, "Seek My face," my heart said to You, "Your face, O LORD, I shall seek." (Psalm 27:4-8)