It's (NOT) all about me.

At this time of my life I am focusing a lot on me: on my grief and loss and on my house, my car, my finances, etc... As a single now, it’s a new experience to be talking to myself all the time because there is no one else in the house to talk to. I talk to myself trying to decide things, figuring out my schedule, what to eat, when to clean. I have no discussion with anyone else on these things so I am inside my head a lot more than I use to be. Then too, I am blessed to be surrounded (i.e. outside the home) by caring people who ask me frequently how I am doing. And then I spend time, energy and thought writing a blog for anyone who chooses to go to it that publicly journals how I am doing. I am constantly monitoring my emotions, sharing them in writing and in the GriefShare group I attend.

And grief literature and counselors support this focus by advising that it is healthy to talk about your grief and the emotions you are experiencing. They say you will heal faster that way then if you remain quiet.

So then how and when do I move to an other-focus in my life? Other people – family and friends are also hurting and experiencing the grief of Jackie’s death AND there are lots of other losses, prayer needs in the lives of people all around me.

Not that I haven’t tried to be other-focus in the midst of my own grief. I ask some questions, I visit, I follow up some. I try to have an active prayer life. I print out requests from others. I am planning to be more actively involved in some form of ministry (other than my work) after the 1st of the year. I try to follow up with others about what is going on in their life.

But it does seem like a selfish, self-centered time of my life. To complicate matters, it seems that part of what God is doing in my life right now is to teach me, a life-long co-dependent personality, how not to be such a co-dependent person. A co-dependent person is only happy when someone else is happy or happy with them. A co-dependent person regards their own needs as not so important as long as the other person is happy. So, now I have to learn to swing the pendulum the other way and eventually find a mid-point. How do I find balance - i.e., in my learning to be aware of and take care of my needs that not suck the life out of everyone around me because I am so focused on myself?

God, please help me. Please give me a healthy balance between attention to the needs of my vessel, my emotions and personality and the important needs of others around me. For I really do know that ultimately it is NOT all about me, rather IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU.

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How do you keep a balance between being a servant of the Lord and yet not being a people pleaser?

How do you care for yourself without being self-centered?

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"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind…Love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:37, 39).

"For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it" (Ephesians 5:29).

“You shall have no other gods before Me.” (Exodus 20:3)