I long, I hunger to GIVE and RECEIVE love, touch

"To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:8-9 RSV)

It is true, I am a passionate person and I like physical touch and I like to express concern and love for another. The question for me is am I in a vulnerable place and is there an uncontrollable flame of passion that could lead to sin?

This is not easy. But not because of sexual passion but because: (1) I loved being married to Jackie. (2) I loved her (3) I loved loving her AND (4) I miss not having one SPECIAL object of my affection as well as one SPECIAL person who was vitally interested in everything I did or said.

I continue to be convinced that it is right for me not to marry another time. But that does not mean I don't need and want special people in my life to love and to be loved by. It doesn’t mean that I can do without touch - a hug, a touch on the arm. It doesn’t mean that I like being alone ALL THE TIME.

So many times, I think I would like to tell Jackie something, or I would just like to stroke the back of her neck once again and tell her I love her. There are times when it would be nice to call somebody, and I do on occasion, just to tell them about something that happened today.

The Lord has become more precious, certainly. But He is not flesh and blood and He doesn’t respond with a nod or a word or a touch.

I could try to just be like John Wayne - you know, tough, macho. After all, I am a man, independent and single now so just forget about giving and receiving love and non-sexual affectionate touch. Taking this position may hurt less for awhile if I just make myself believe I don't have that longing. But then I break down, as I have this afternoon and find I can't continue to fool myself like this. The truth is, I long, I hunger to give and receive love, touch and no one can really fix or satisfy this longing that I have. That's just my nature AS WELL AS my current situation. Maybe its also part of my being human.

So, I have been asking the Lord to show me: 1. His love for me in a deeper way and 2. special people in my life that can help meet at least SOME of those needs that I have both to give and receive love and touch.

And that is the way it will continue to be, i.e., rather than having one person in my life in that special place, I will meet these needs through a composite of appropriate relationships with family, fellow believers at the church, co-workers and friends – male and female.

BUT as I said earlier, this is not easy. This is hard - very hard and at times very lonely.