I just have to get through this next hour.

She’s really never coming back. I was there, I know its true yet it is so hard to absorb, so hard to believe. It is so final. Jackie is gone, she is dead. We are all hurting. We all miss her so. Yes, she is more alive than ever but not with me, not with the girls, not with her friends. What am I going to do, Lord? I have lots of friends and family yet feel so alone. The protective shock is beginning to wear off. I am feeling it more and more each day. I feel shaky and a bit disoriented. I can only be efficient for 10-15 minutes at a time then I feel overloaded. Half of me is missing and everything I do and everything I touch reminds me of Jackie. I love her, always will. What am I going to do?

I guess I can’t look at the big picture of my life right now. I can’t even think of life without Jackie. I can only think of how I am going to live successfully in the next hour or so. Choose healthy food, exercise, spend time with the Lord, get some sleep, be around friends, take care of a little bit of business. Baby steps will add up to bigger steps and maybe eventually a vision for what lies ahead. Right now, I just have to get through this next hour.

Please pray for Paulette and Gayle and even for Jackie’s friends who are also hurting. We are all missing her in various ways.